It just isn't. I thought that the years we have been friends or in a relationship meant more than ignoring me for an unknown reason. I have been trying to get a response from you for so long and I know you have been receiving my messages because technology is useful and it actually tells you if the message has been seen or not. I'm not fucking stupid. I know you're giving me this lame- ass silent treatment. I just feel so in the dark because I have no idea what's going on. I have been wracking my brain trying to figure out what I did and I just can't figure it out. At first I thought it was because I have finally moved on for good, meaning we can just stay friends and forget the drama but then I realized that is a shitty reason to get all pissed off about because if you really cared about me then you wouldn't get mad that I'm finally happy. But the thing is- I'm happy in a bittersweet way. I am extremely happy with him but I wish I could still talk to you. I have actually cried about this with him and Gaybear because I'm trying to figure out what's going on. Why do I feel so guilty? I don't even know if I did something wrong. It feels like we always end up here though- not talking for a long time and it's always because one or both of us are mad. And it always hurts me. So I don't even know if it is worth the effort trying to get you to talk to me anymore. I don't mean the friendship isn't worth it. I just mean hurting myself and only giving you the power to make it better. It isn't worth wearing a friendship bracelet if the person who gave it to you isn't being your friend. A friend is someone you can talk to about anything and vice versa- especially if there is something someone has done to upset the other. How you always manage to make me feel so hurt, I will never know. I hope I didn't hurt you. I just really miss you and I miss talking to you. But it just isn't worth hurting myself over this. It's like how last year it wasn't worth figuring out if that dumb pregnancy was a lie because my thoughts wouldn't get me anywhere. Well this isn't getting me anywhere apparently. Let me know if you still want me to wear that friendship bracelet and let me know if you want to still be friends because I can't figure it out on my own.
Love,
Brisbane
