Looking Up.

How did I get so lucky? This is why suicide didn't tempt me when I was dealing with Doctor. Because I knew things would start looking up after it ended. Well, things are looking up. I can't remember the last time I was this happy for so long. I have been so happy this summer and I have so many people to thank for that. I just can't believe how happy I am. I have realized how different one year can be from the next. I like this year. I like it a lot. Carpe Diem.

Love,

Brisbane

Makes Me Melt

So I realized that my blog has a lot of posts about me being sad or frustrated. Well finally I'll give you something different.

This summer has been absolutely fantastic so far. I can't even put it in to words how happy I am and how I feel about this summer. I mean it started out great- I tried waterskiing for the first time, then I went to Istanbul for about a week and a half, then I just hung out with friends non-stop while I was coming down from the high after being in Istanbul, then I saw The Dark Knight Rises, hung out a bunch of other times with people (yes, I have a social life for once) and I have even gone on two dates.

Now I was a little hesitant about posting about my dates online because that's just how I am. I sometimes hate it when people go on and on about their romantic life but then I decided fuck it- you want to read it? Then keep going cause these dates are mindblowingly (yes that's a word) amazing... Well in my opinion anyways. And the nickname I'm going to give the guy will be Ken because those are the first three letters of his last name... and it works out as a nickname.

So Ken and I have become really good friends and whenever we hang out, we just do whatever- once we just walked for hours around my town and talked about whatever and it was so much fun. So that night we were in a field and I told him about the Perseids Meteor Shower I have been dying to see for years but have missed it every year since I found out about it and wanted to see my first shooting star. Well, ladies and gentlemen, that was our first date. How he makes me melt inside baffles me but that night was amazing. We were going to go see a movie that was playing at a park but it didn't end up playing so we took a picnic blanket and sat near a pond for a bit (of course with some cheesy stuff on the way like offering a hand when crossing a creek). Then we went back to his house and watched a comedy about Star Wars. Afterwards, we went back to the park and set up the picnic blanket and watched the meteor shower. It was amazing. If you have ever seen a shooting star, then you know how cool it is but this was my first night with them so I freaked out every time we saw one. And of course he talked about wishing on a shooting star and then after seeing one, kissing me, saying his wish came true. Made me melt. But it was such a good night.

So a while ago, I had a post that mentioned that I would love to go on a date to a museum. Well, that was where we were today. We decided to go to the war museum downtown because neither of us had ever been. It was really cool actually. Then we walked and got a late lunch, followed by hanging out in a book store (cause we're cool) and then watching The Jungle Book when we got back. Now I know this date may sound kind of lame or nerdy to you but I laughed so hard today. It's always so much fun hanging out with him and he will sometimes say things in this distinct voice he uses whenever he says something really sweet and then get this look in his eyes- ah! Again, it makes me melt.

So if you've made it this far, then I hope you're not annoyed with my girly rant here but I am just in a daze because of how happy I am and I didn't want to annoy people face to face while doing this because I know how that can affect people. So that's pretty much all I have to say for today. I hope your summer has been incredible so far. Make it count. That's what I've learned this year, especially after last summer's agony. If life is too short to be sad, then summer is a blink of an eye. Do what makes you happy, then. Carpe Diem.

Love,
Brisbane

Renewal

Sorry I haven't posted anything in about a month but I've been busy as hell. I don't even know where to start. I have been so happy lately. My time in Istanbul actually changed me a lot. It was the best trip of my life and I was so happy the entire time and even when I got back I felt incredibly optimistic. Sure it wasn't perfect- there will always be bumps in the road but it was a hell of a lot smoother than what it's been in the past year. I feel so refreshed. I've been hanging out with people almost non-stop and to be honest having a social life isn't as relaxing and exciting as I thought it would be but it's nice to be able to spend time with people every day. It'll stop for a week though because I'm volunteering and then doing driver's ed. I'm fine with that though. I feel so much better. I was talking with someone one night and we ended up on the conversation of crying. I didn't say it out loud but I smiled to myself because I couldn't remember the last time I cried in that instant. It was nice. That was a great night. 

A few days later, I did remember. It was about Doctor. I went to see her the day before I went to Istanbul to try one last time to get some footing on what had happened this past year. She still insisted she was pregnant and I had to keep grilling her almost for some sort of proof. She said she burned everything with someone who she now has a restraining order against so I can't talk to him or anything. So finally I told her to text me the phone number of her nurse practitioner. I could hardly breathe when I went to see my best friend afterwards because I was crying so much. But after not having to think about it for the time I was in Istanbul, I came to terms with everything. I realized since she still hasn't texted me the number, she either was never pregnant or doesn't care enough to prove she was. And I'm okay with that for once. That's what I mean- I've changed from going to Istanbul. It sounds so cliche but that was the escape I was dying for for months. 

So now I'm just trying to keep it up. I've been hanging out with a friend a lot lately and he always makes me feel better because we laugh about the most random things and he likes who I am. I mean sometimes I struggle with who I am and a few nights ago I was kind of bummed out by the fact that I'm a nerd and people give me weird looks sometimes and I always feel so awkward talking to people about what I like. But I was lying on my roof looking at the stars and thinking about the universe like I do every once in a while. I didn't complain about it but when he asked what I think about on my roof, I told him the truth- that I think about the universe and how I sometimes hate that I'm such a nerd. I didn't want to put it on him or anything so I stated it so he might take it as a joke but he made me feel better about everything. I don't even know why I'm talking about this right now. I guess it's just a random memory that I wanted to talk about. It just reminds me that I don't have to feel sad and stay sad like I was with Doctor. It makes me feel better about who I am and thank Doctor in a way because I am who I am because of what she put me through. Even if it didn't alter my love for science directly, she still affected me. And I'm okay with that. I'm finally renewed. Carpe Diem.

Love,

Brisbane.