When you reflect on your day before you lay your head down to sleep, what do you think about? How do you feel? How about when you reflect on the past year? Twelve months is an extremely long time and a lot can happen. Normally for me, when I look back on a year, I think of it all as a blur but recently, I have been thinking about the past year a lot. I believe I mentioned in an earlier post that I found a journal I started around this time last year. Well it was 12 months ago this week that I wrote those entries and it is astounding how I have changed.
When I wrote those entries, I talked about how all I wanted was to be free of acid reflux and of drama. After reading those entries, I thought about what happened next. All that happened seemed to be through bad luck. I felt lonely and blamed it on closing myself off after Doctor, I blamed my acid reflux on summer school and other stress, I was angry my schedule for school wasn't going to work out and had to take a grade 12 course rather than the Anthropology class I wanted to take, I had self-confidence issues and I just wanted to leave Ottawa. Sure, my life isn't perfect now but all of that negativity and bad luck ended up turning in to something incredible. I feel extremely happy and love the friends I have who have helped me through so much as well as an incredible boyfriend- all of which can make me smile every day; I am thankful every day that I don't feel sick and that I never had it worse, taking grade 12 physics was stressful but I at least don't have it this year and that is actually how I met my boyfriend, I am happy with how I look and feel incredible that the school elected me as one of the co-presidents, and I have never been happier to live here and to see the people I do. All of this just makes me feel really optimistic about the challenges that I now face and that I will face in the future.
University applications and thinking about my future and grades have been stressing me out lately but thinking about it now, I feel a lot better about it. Right now, I keep stressing about grades to get into the university I want in the end, what courses to apply for and where to apply to. But the thing is- I'll be over at some point and either way, I'll learn to deal with what I face next. It's just another milestone in my life that is giving me a chance to grow. It may seem negative now but in the end, it may lead to something incredible like some of my other past experiences. I have learned that if you dwell on your current negative experiences, you may not realize how good it might get or how good it is now. A year ago I would cry myself to sleep. Now I fall asleep with a smile. Carpe Diem. And no matter what, it will get better. No matter how bad it seems, I promise you that one day it will get better and when it does, you will get that warm feeling and a small smile on your face that I get now. Now is just one part of your life. Are you ready to face the rest of it? I sure am. Bring on the applications!
Let's take this one day at a time,
I'll hold your hand if you hold mine,
The time we kill keeps us alive.
Love,
Brisbane
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