"You'll Find Someone Some Day"

Recently, I have heard a lot of talk about relationships. How people feel lonely, the drama involved, their adorable relationships and new experiences (if you catch my drift). I mean sure, relationships are cute to outsiders and even cuter while you're in them but in general, they tend to piss me off. Not directly where when someone says they had their first kiss and I de-friend them on facebook or something lame like that. Nor do I change the subject in hopes of not killing someone when I hear the stories, cause hey- they are cute and interesting.

How relationships piss me off is exactly how it was described in a cute little book my friend got- "mental suffering". Love plays with your mind alright. But due to New Years, relationships are the talk of the town. Three relationships I know of are the most fucking adorable relationships you will most likely ever hear of. Those are the ones that make me feel kind of alone. Not in the sense that I want to go make out with someone but in the sense that I'm excited and kind of nervous on the day that I have one of those relationships. Those relationships where you watch the stars and talk constantly, do good things for each other, make each other feel special, someone to feel your most comfortable with... But the thing is timing. When am I going to have this relationship? How will it play out, even? If you don't know me, then you may not get the sense that I am one of the most awkward people on the planet. It took me almost a year to work up the nerve and eliminate the awkwardness to kiss my boyfriend and even then it was only a peck on the lips. I don't know why but no matter how much I want to move forward in anything, I feel too awkward and can't. It's weird, I know.

But on the other hand, there are always those people you know that decide to go looking for relationships. I had a friend tell me last night that their New Years resolution was to have a relationship because they feel lonely. And I get it 100%. If that friend is reading this right now, I'm not hating or anything but I feel like those relationships that happen for the sake of having a relationship don't normally work out and leave you more broken than before sometimes. Sure you can feel alone but it's like when you feel like having a huge chocolate bar- sure its sweet while it lasts but it's not really going to benefit you if you have it all at once for the sake of it. Great analogy, I know. 

Lately I've been kind of confused myself over the idea of me being lonely. For a while now I've been happy to be alone because of the whole Doctor thing taking over my life and then becoming myself again but I can't deny now that it would be nice to have my own relationship like the adorable three relationships that I quickly mentioned before. The thing is, I'm having one of those cliche, chick flick times where I don't like anyone at my school, and I don't want to go and find one for the sake of it. But if I was with 12 year olds and they asked me that question we know all to well about if I had to chose someone it wouldn't be someone in this country- and here comes the dramatic movie part. Like I said in my last post- there are those friends that make you feel amazing and those are the people I want to have a relationship with, but the thing is, I don't have the chance to let it grow in to something more because hey- I may only see them once more in my life other than on skype. Now I'm not looking for pity or that I'm looking for attention or those classic lines such as "you'll find someone some day" because I know I will but that doesn't make things easier, just like leaving Istanbul- "you'll get over it some day". But when?

So I guess what we all do in life is struggle to either obsess, make or break our relationships. Whether we feel alone and wait for that special person, can't stop talking about our adorable-as-fuck relationship or how there's too much drama and how we want out. But in the end, they suck. At one point or another anyways. But I say to those who like someone and want a relationship with a specific person out of love- go for it. You only live once and if it doesn't work out, then it doesn't work out. You'll find someone else. Try and be with them while you have the chance because believe me, it isn't fun when you realize you missed your chance forever and didn't make the most of it. Carpe Diem.

Love,

Brisbane