1 Year, 1 Month, 1 Week and 3 Days...

Have you ever wanted something so bad that you told yourself you would do almost anything to get it? Well I have been faced with a challenge that I have been stressing about for months- visiting the place that I have been longing to go back to- Istanbul. I know that a lot of my friends there have moved but some are still there and the city itself is almost calling to me but to visit, I need the "cash-money" as my sister would say. My parents know that I have been really upset for a while because I miss it there so much but the price is what they look at (understandable, but it doesn't mean it doesn't suck). The thing is- I feel so selfish for asking for this and for stressing about it and stressing them out about it for so long. I mean I am saving up and told them that I am going to hold a garage sale/bake sale in the spring and use the money to help pay for my tickets but that isn't going to pay for all of it.

Tonight, they did say that since my dad may have to go in July on business, that I may be able to tag along (the entire family would be too expensive with other stuff). It's just so aggravating because I can't get a definite answer after months of trying to convince them. And my sister wanted to go on a grad trip to the Dominican Republic and instead is going to be able to go visit her friend who is moving to Washington DC who used to live in Istanbul. Fair? For her, sure but even if one of her trips is down the tubes, she gets another one. It's just that I have been crying for about 5 days in a row because I miss it so much. I can hardly think about it without getting really emotional or teary eyed at the very least. I skyped with some friends in Istanbul when they had a party and I was so glad that we lost the connection for a few minutes at one point cause I felt the tears coming and the connection cut out long enough for me to put myself back together. But this morning I woke up and burst in to tears and when my mom came home she saw that I was upset and when she asked, I could hardly talk. Wasn't the first time I could barely talk when I was crying about this.

I just feel so selfish though- by putting my parents in such a difficult position. They have always strived to make sure my sister and I are happy and they know I have been upset for one year, a month and 10 days but they can't just spend thousands of dollars because the bank isn't going to compensate us for my frequent emotional breakdowns. I just feel so torn between fighting for this or waiting a year. It's a cliche decision between listening to the brain or to the metaphorical heart because a year is a long time, trust me. I know that if I don't get it this year, I can always just go the following year but does that mean that I should just give up? I don't know. Carpe Diem

Love,
Brisbane