"Those Weeks"

Ever have those weeks were you just hate the world because it decides to be a bitch to you? Yep, you guessed it- one of those weeks for me. It sucks. It feels like I have "Those Weeks" almost every week now. Like they become more frequent and it's annoying. It's like when you think oh well, I haven't had a bad week in a while so I guess it was about time. It is becoming almost the opposite for me.

Don't worry or anything- it isn't like I go home and cry and sit in my room staring at my wall like I used to. I just become extremely tired, my patience is down to about zero with people, I become almost sick (not quite a cold but enough to irritate me and make me feel crappy), I get a lot of homework or I get slightly behind because I'm too tired to do it, my acid reflux makes a slight appearance sometimes, people become more aggravating and nothing seems to be in my favor. If you have had one of these weeks, then you know what I'm talking about and it wont seem as retarded with me ranting on about nothing.

But then again, there is stuff to rant about because hey- it's one of those weeks! A while ago, at a musical rehearsal, I found out a girl quit and that it was between me and two other girls for the part. Obviously I was excited because I have always wanted to sing on stage and never really was able to or confident enough. And you guessed it again- one of those weeks. I had a bad cold and could hardly talk, let alone sing, and we had to all sing Total Eclipse of the Heart. I knew I could sing that song and I know tried when I was all better and I didn't sound that bad. But anyways, another girl got the part. She was an amazing singer though so I kind of saw it coming. But the thing is, I have been at almost every rehearsal and that girl shows up maybe half the time? And she and I were talking one day and she said she was really stressed and sometimes wished that she never got the part. I almost broke down right there. It was my dream to be able to sing on stage and my confidence has been on a roller coaster ride for years about my voice. My last school had favorites so I never was able to have anything even close to a solo and so they would almost ignore you during most of the rehearsals and cast you aside. Well I feel like it's happening here too. Sure the people in the musical here are more fun but they still have favorites who get all the solos and cast the others aside. I don't even have a single line and I have only missed maybe 5 rehearsals for over 4 months. It's just aggravating because so many people have told me how they really wanted me to get the part. I dunno, it just sucks and I get really emotional and cranky about it because some of my friends are really confident with singing (for good reason, obviously) and I'm always happy for them but it feels really awkward when they burst out in beautiful song and you stand there awkwardly as they almost show off to you subconsciously. sdflksdjflkds. That is how I feel on the inside even though I smile to people about this stuff.

So I think I'll spare you for now (if you made it this far, even). That has been the main thing that's been bugging me for a while now. I guess when things like that come up you just need to go along and see what happens. I mean hey- a few years ago I honestly never sang- never. Too self conscious and had no talent whatsoever. And after one audition for a play (regular play- not musical but you had to sing to audition) and I became more confident and I have been in three musicals. Carpe Diem.

Love,
Brisbane