Tired of Being Me

I just feel tired of being who I am some days. Some days I just wish I was one of those people that didn't give a damn about the future and just partied and had fun. I know I can turn into one of those people but I kind of like who I am. The thing is, I'm just tired of it.

I hate how much I overanalyze everything. I'm too stubborn with that and so many other things. I don't like changing my emotions and I become so emotional because I fight myself to try and change how I feel. If someone likes me, I hate myself for not liking them back. If I like someone and they don't like me, then I hate myself for not being good enough. I can never be just content with things even if I've been hoping for them for so long. Hoping for things to be alright and for there to be no more fights, but then I lament not having the times before the fights that were so good and simple. I worry too much. I worry about what happened, what is happening and what will happen. I worry about how people view me. I worry about losing myself and how other people are feeling. I worry that there's something wrong with me. I get too emotional. Sometimes I don't feel emotional enough. I feel too different. I'm always the odd one out. I'm the one who doesn't eat pizza at parties for fuck sake. I feel too awkward. I wish I was able to be so casual and comfortable. I wish I could stop being held back by thoughts. Good or bad, I stick with them for too long. I love change but hate changing myself.

I understand that everyone has things that they would like to change about themselves or their environment but I'm just so tired of feeling like that. I want to escape past feelings and future worries. I want to escape being me and be content in being nothing.

Love,
Brisbane

P.S. 19 days.