But of course, there is always stuff that bothers me. I mentioned last post that I'm running for Co-Prez at my school and it feels like I'm election- PMSing. One moment i think "this is awesome! I have a great chance and so many ideas! I'm ready for this" and then two seconds later I'm thinking "what the hell have I gotten myself into? I'm pretty much only going to get pity votes because the two others running have done so much at the school already that it's obvious I'm going to lose". I don't even know what to do. Elections are in 10 days and I'm freaking out. I have my interview tomorrow with the teacher who runs Student Council and I think the two current Co-Prez' so I'm nervous for that. I started making a few bows to hand out to people because it's different and it represents something which I'll explain on election day. I also have been thinking of stuff for me speech and different ideas I want to bring forward- Co-prez or not.
The thing that has been bugging me though is the fact that I'm going against one of my best friends since JK. She is such a great person and would make a great co-prez and she's been doing so much for the school which makes me think she feels like I'm stepping on her territory. She has acted differently towards me since I told her I was thinking about running. I mean I knew she was running but we can talk about anything so I just brought it up to see what she'd think. She said I had a chance because I have friends and stuff but I can't really remember if she said I'd be good at it. But since then I kept going back and forth because I knew she was kind of uneasy with the idea. She's been planning on running with a friend of hers from Student Council since grade 9 so I think she got that in her head and thought it was going to be them who will become the two co-prez'. But the day I handed in my application, I texted her asking if she was okay with it just to make sure and she responded with "i hate going through the whole competition thing but you should do what you feel is best". It doesn't seem that weird, right? But I started thinking about it and I dunno if it's just me but it sounded like she almost tried to guilt-trip me into not running in a way. I doubt it was on purpose but it honestly feels like she feels like I'm stepping on her territory. It feels weird and she's been weird around me and I don't like it. I love her to death and I promised myself that this wasn't going to impact our relationship negatively but it kind of is.
I mean I know I haven't been on student council at JMSS before or am on link crew but that doesn't mean I can't be good at it. I was on student council at my last school and have done a bunch of things. I talked to one of my chem buddies last week and she said I would make a great co-prez because I'm hard working and love to help people and make people happy. That motivated me because I realized I do want to do this for the right reason but some people have given me weird looks almost when I tell them who my competitors are. I talked one of the co-prez' a few weeks ago and asked him what he thought my friend would be like if I ran- like if she was really okay with it because he is her boyfriend. His answer really surprised me though because of the honesty. He said that even if her and the other person running have been planning on running for years that it shouldn't stop me. Having competition sucks anyways but if I run and get chosen then that means I have been chosen for a reason, and so I shouldn't let anything stop me if I really want to do this. But the thing is, I just don't want her thinking about me in this negative way. I don't want her looking at me like I'm her competition pushing up all on her grill. I think that's why I'm so uncertain about everything and why I'm PMSing. My heart is split in two almost. I want to run not just for myself but for others but at the same time I'm running against a friend. I really want to talk to her about it but she would probably mask everything and stuff. I dunno.
Whatever. It'll all be over in 10 days. Hopefully those 10 days won't screw up years of friendship though. I'm so confused.
Love,
Brisbane.
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